brain noise 

sometimes a big rig is a tractor trailer,
and sometimes its a cargo freighter destined for the next galaxy over

I think thats beautiful

food, nonsense 

grandpa: where do you think that BBQ comes from... the ass end of that pig
me, screaming: GOOD. I LOVE ASS

i am reducing customer satisfaction. it is my favorite thing to do. i see a satisfied customer and i choose to bother them. management calls me the chaos monkey of feedback surveys and they pay me well for it

brain noise 

yeah just registered my boobs

these tits are lethal weapons in 15 states

@rey New genre of music that doesnt make you change in any way

*sees two Gamers holding hands* So, like, which of you is the Narrator and which of you is the Stanley?

me: I try to do as little work as possible at work
also me: *gets defensive if someone insinuates I don’t do work*

GeoGuessr 

Five k/ph speed limit
No Smoking
No Bulbous Clown Horns

free covid tests (u.s.) 

you can request free covid tests from the federal government again! this time we get 8 free ones

special.usps.com/testkits

I was so fucking tired yesterday and I didn’t get to sleep until 1am and then I woke up over an hour early and I just want to scream.

I am so goddamn tired and now I have to work. cool..

selfie ec, boost if you're gay 

work attire, but it slightly gay and my mum think the short is too short

what does fedi think..? :thinkHappy:

youtuber voice
Hey guys (boss), I just wanted to let you know that I will be taking a little break from making “capital” and really just recharging my energy. You can expect to hear from me again in about a month.

sexy firefighter calendars are overdone, it's time for a sexy DOT worker calendar

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